"Now" :)

Everything (minus work, that is) is coming together :) Looking forward to going home, but loving it here "now" as well... Some things are not the way I envisaged, but still, there's a healthy balance going on (I hope). These random as nights are what makes it, I think. No effort required. Also the lying in bed talking shit, falling asleep and sitting in the hall way. I have missed that, and it's only been so long.

I don't want to miss out on anything, and I'm not sure that I have... I like how I disappeared and it was noticed. I like how you called to ask. I like how I felt comfortable sitting here as well.

Goodness knows where I'll be next year, but I'm comfortable right now knowing that others feel the same. I don't know what I miss anymore, but there's definitely something. I made the right decision, that's for sure. Right "now" I would not change that for anything.

Tiiiiiired

I'm so so tired! And yes, I am procrastinating the most boring essay of my life. And yes, the phone just rang. Thank goodness for that then :)

Ohh, how lots of things have changed since I finished school! Clearly there are some things you never forget, but I love it anyway.

When the wind blows

It's cold and dark outside.

I miss things being easy :) But I love things being different. I've been homesick, but then things just seem to turn out almost-perfect. This is definitely not what I expected, but then I had stupid images of everything being just so... straight-forward, 123. No questions, life would sort itself out and I'd watch it go by with a smile and not a care in the world.

I'm afraid that I'm doing things the wrong way actually, but I hope that everything will work itself out. I always was a very passive person. You can walk all over me and all I'll do is bitch behind your back, don't worry.

Well, I think we worked things out in the end, but then stuff happen and I question myself. We'll see how it goes, I guess. All I can is turn my face slightly towards the sun (that unfortunately likes to hide away these days) and smile.

You're just so comfortable.

So that's it then..?

This is one of those times when I have to write down what I remember, because I'm already beginning to forget.

Everything was fine to begin with. There's no denying that I have had my reservations about the whole thing, but that's just me. Strangely enough me bringing that up seemed to make us closer, things felt so... right. But bringing it up again did not go the way I expected. In fact, I wasn't expecting anything: I just wanted to clarify that, although I'm vague and non-committal to the point of ridiculousness, everything was going to be okay. That didn't happen. Instead, it spiralled out of control.

Who made the decision in the end? You? Or me? It seemed to just happen that way. One minute it was closeness and comfort, and quite literally the next tears and uncertainty. I think you telling me what advice you were given set it off. I mean, really. Neither of us actually made a decision... I remember talking about the options and that decision-making isn't exactly my forte, but when was it decided that I would feel like hell from that moment on? When was it decided that now I feel nothing?

It wasn't until you put the possibility out there that it hurt. Why did you let it happen like that? Why did you let things go unsaid until now?

It could be a good thing... But should I treat it as over, period, or just over until further notice? What does that even mean! I know what you said, I do, but what does that entail exactly? Do we just forget about it and get on with our lives, or do we act as before, only less intense? Should I behave as though it never happened?

I guess if this is my biggest problem right now, I should count myself lucky.

I wish that I could fix everything; I'm so sorry that I can't. Please, just tell me what to do.

I Can Only Imagine

What happened to us? Do we really even care?

Life's getting 'crazy', and by that I just mean it's changing: everything's different. I'm definitely excited about what's coming, but that doesn't mean that I'm not apprehensive about what's being left behind.

I know you have done so much for me, and maybe I haven't been so adaptable in return, but that's the way things go. The future is definitely going to be a lot different to how I think we originally imagined it together. I'm sad in a sense, but if it's as strong as it's supposed to be, it will work. It should work. However, theory doesn't always work in practice.

Have we really been through that much together? How much of it is real? I'm ready to move on, but I'm not sure if you're coming with me. The question is, Do you want to?

Energy to burn. Let's give it a shot.

Wish my life luck.

Simply #1

It's been a long time. I had completely forgotten about how much I used to blog; how much we used to blog. Because there was a time when I had quite a few pages to check on for updates every week. It's odd how that all changed quite gradually, to the point where it's almost (but not quite) dead.

Reading over my life (that's one way to put it, I guess), I barely even understand some of it. I did enjoy making the simple things more complicated, but now it means that even I myself don't know where to draw the life between what's real and what's only 'intriguing'. It wasn't very good, but I think it served its purpose. Who knows what will come of this now.

What makes me smile is, for want of a better word, the 'support' I received. It was always fun to get a comment of some description added on to the end of a post. I liked reading what everybody else was up to or thinking (I think they call that being nosey), even if I couldn't understand their individual thought processes or what exactly was going on.

There's a point where you must move on, and now I'm going to be lazy. This is my last blog post, almost a year ago now, dated Thursday, September 28, 2006:

Short and sweet.

There's no one amazing time in your life...
There's just one amaaazing life time. Even when it doesn't look like, feel like, or act like it.

Don't be stuck in the yesterdays... Live in the todays, and strive towards the tomorrows.

DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME/// because I love... wonderful days.

Don't dismiss it: Live It.

--Here's to what tomorrow brings :)