I am so ridiculous. I have changed so much, I just have to laugh about it. Who would have thought I would be in this position, literally only two months on? I started stressed, now I'm smiling. Life goes on.

I don't think you realise how much you worry me.

Your thing is music. Mine is this.

"I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

The truth hurts
A lie is worse

There's nothing left to say"

I regret the reliance, but not us. We should have done it differently. But what's done is done. You can't change the past. Let's just look forward to the future. Whatever that may be. I'm letting go now.

I have so much work to do. My room needs tidied. There are dishes to be washed. Life needs to go on, but this is too hard. What was I like before this all began? Just me.

It's easy to say to someone to get over it, to go out and just be you. Independent. It's okay at times. I can forget for a little while. But I should be seeing you right now. And what do I do in the inbetween times? Our moments?

I understand how easy it is to make that mistake now. I'm still trying to grasp why you lied about it, but I can vaguely see why. You still let yourself get into that situation though. That should never have happened. I guess love wasn't a factor back then. But there was still a commitment.

I let it happen. And I still feel commited to you.

I knew I was digging a hole. I don't belong anywhere anymore.

I need to get over you.

Now.

I know that it's going to get better, but it doesn't feel like that right now.

Can you be friends with someone who you don't trust? Or can you cut out a bit of the past and throw it away?

I want to forgive you. I don't know if I can.

I don't think you're worth the time I'm wasting on you.

I can't focus. I can't concentrate.

I don't understand.

I feel like I have so much to say, so much to ask. Yet I still feel empty inside. I'm so angry at you, so disappointed in you. But I still love you. I wish I could stop. I wish that right now, for the moment, I was completely oblivious to your existence. I wish that I could either rewind so far back so that either we never existed or you told the truth, or that I could fast forward to a point where things had settled.

I have no idea what to do with myself. And it's all your fault. All your lies. What was the truth?

I was so blind.

I hope I never see you again.
I want you here right now.

I wish I was strong enough to walk away and never look back. I'm not.

clean break

I don't remember who to talk to anymore.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't breathe without you,
But I have to breathe without you,
But I have to.

I know that it has to happen and that it's happening right now. But it's so hard.

Easier said than done. And it was so hard to say.

He says everything I need to hear
And it's like I couldn't ask for anything better

He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will

He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller-coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you