I have so much work to do. My room needs tidied. There are dishes to be washed. Life needs to go on, but this is too hard. What was I like before this all began? Just me.

It's easy to say to someone to get over it, to go out and just be you. Independent. It's okay at times. I can forget for a little while. But I should be seeing you right now. And what do I do in the inbetween times? Our moments?

I understand how easy it is to make that mistake now. I'm still trying to grasp why you lied about it, but I can vaguely see why. You still let yourself get into that situation though. That should never have happened. I guess love wasn't a factor back then. But there was still a commitment.

I let it happen. And I still feel commited to you.

I knew I was digging a hole. I don't belong anywhere anymore.

I need to get over you.

Now.

I know that it's going to get better, but it doesn't feel like that right now.

Can you be friends with someone who you don't trust? Or can you cut out a bit of the past and throw it away?

I want to forgive you. I don't know if I can.

I don't think you're worth the time I'm wasting on you.

I can't focus. I can't concentrate.

I don't understand.

I feel like I have so much to say, so much to ask. Yet I still feel empty inside. I'm so angry at you, so disappointed in you. But I still love you. I wish I could stop. I wish that right now, for the moment, I was completely oblivious to your existence. I wish that I could either rewind so far back so that either we never existed or you told the truth, or that I could fast forward to a point where things had settled.

I have no idea what to do with myself. And it's all your fault. All your lies. What was the truth?

I was so blind.

I hope I never see you again.
I want you here right now.

I wish I was strong enough to walk away and never look back. I'm not.

clean break

I don't remember who to talk to anymore.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't breathe without you,
But I have to breathe without you,
But I have to.

I know that it has to happen and that it's happening right now. But it's so hard.

Easier said than done. And it was so hard to say.